OUR LAST BLOG post discussed Mr. Mom. Is it OK for another-wise healthy, capable husband to
stay home and nurture his children while his wife brings home the bacon? We suggested the general principle that God created men and women to fulfill different roles in marriage. Men are responsible to protect, provide for, and lead their wives and children. The general responsibility of a wife and mother is to "help" her husband by nurturing children and caring for her household. But how do we apply this in the 21st century North America?
It is one thing to state the general principle. It is
another to apply it in a fallen world filled with multiple ambiguities. Legalisms occur when the application is too wooden and structured. So, let’s
begin by talking about what this principle does not mean. First, these
principles do not apply to single women. Since she has no children to nurture,
or a husband to help, she is free to serve the larger culture by the pursuit of
a career.
In addition, this Biblical principle does not mean that it
is a sin for a married woman to work outside of the home. She is free to work
outside the home as long as it does not compromise her role of “helping” her
husband and the nurturing of her children.
It doesn’t mean that it is a sin for a woman to earn more
than her husband. Due to training or education this may be the case, but it is
not inherently wrong or evil. A fifty
year old female physician, with grown children, married to a fifty four year
old pastor, may out-earn him even working part time.
It doesn’t mean that it is wrong for a husband to temporarily be the primary nurturer of his children. He may do
this while going to school, getting specialized training to enhance his
employability, or transitioning into a different career. Or, he may be temporarily
unemployed. In these instances, it is not sinful for a man to be the primary
nurturer.
In each of these cases, the role fulfilled by the husband or
wife is either biblical or non-biblical depending upon the violation or
adherence of the important principles that follow.
The first principle is the recognition of the fundamental
differences between men and women. Those differences are physical, emotional,
and mental. Because of these God-designed differences, a man to bring three
unique roles to marriage—protection, provision, and leadership. The
implications are clear. It is not appropriate for a female to be the primary
protector, primary provider, or spiritual leader in her home. It also implies that God calls each married
man to serve his wife by becoming her protector, spiritual leader, and
provider. The pastor with the physician wife is still fulfilling his role if he
is the spiritual leader, the protector, and a provider. In this case, his wife
may be fulfilling her role as help-mate with the income she earns—income that
enables him to fulfill his calling to pastor the flock.
Second, the biblical teaching mentioned above should motivate
and shape a Christian couple’s relationship. Christian marriage implies the submission
of husband and wife to these principles. Christian marriage implies that the
wife agrees to become her husband’s “helper,” not his competitor. In addition, Christian
marriage calls each husband/father to love his wife and children by leading
them, providing for them, and protecting them. In addition, Christian marriage
implies that the arrival of children changes things. A couple attempting to be
biblical will agree that his fundamental orientation should be toward providing
for his family. They will also agree that her fundamental orientation should be
inward toward the nurturance of children and helper to her husband.
Third, biblical Christians reject the stereotype of female
passivity and weakness. Proverbs 31:10-31 draws a verbal picture of a fully
competent woman. She is the biblical ideal. Her husband trusts her. She is
industrious, an able administrator, a competent manager of the household
servants, a take-charge lady, and a skillful business negotiator.
Therefore, when deciding whether a wife should work outside
the home, female “weakness” or lack of incompetence is not a biblical
assumption. Instead, love for God and man should be the determining issue. What
is most loving for the family? What will best glorify God? Is the pursuit of outside
employment the most loving way for her to serve her husband? Is it the most
loving way for her to serve her children? Or, are ambition, greed, or escapism
driving the decision? The answer to this larger question—whether and when she
should work outside the home— will depend upon the number of children, their
ages, and the financial condition of the family. It is a decision she should
make under the covering of her husband’s authority.
In summary, it is our conviction that God created men and
women different at the most basic biological, emotional, and social level. He
did this to equip us to fulfill different functions in home and marriage. God created
Adam to work the Garden. He created Eve to be Adam’s helper. The application of
this principle to specific situations necessitates much wisdom, flexibility,
and patience.
Labels: marriage, men and women's roles
