SINCE VALENTINE'S DAY is right around the corner, a few words about the secret to marital happiness are appropriate.
God has hardwired each of us to pursue our happiness, and we
will ruthlessly and single-mindedly pursue it in whatever we really believe will get us there.
That is one of the fruits of New Birth. It convinces us that
our ultimate happiness is in God and eternal things. To the degree that we
really believe this we will push self, and even suffer, to acquire that
happiness.
That is what Jesus had in mind when he said, “Whoever would save his
life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it”
(Matthew 10:39, 16:25). Jesus practiced
what he taught. “For the joy set before him [he] endured the cross” (Heb.
12:2).
We can restate it in modern vernacular like this. Those
willing to die to their selfish, self-centered pride will maximize their joy. That especially applies to marriage.
These words are counter intuitive. Obeying them is not easy.
Everything in our fallen nature screams the opposite.
You gain your life by
protecting it.
Happiness comes through self-promotion.
Happy people protect
their reputations. They don’t lose them.
Happy people take care of number one. They
don’t volunteer to be number two.
Here is how these assumptions express themselves in marriage.
“I’m not going to let you use me. I have my rights, you
know.”
“I will do my part for this marriage if you do yours.”
“After
what you have done to me, you really expect me to forgive?”
“How could anyone ever thank God for a spouse like you? God
knows I deserve better.”
These are the ruminations of death not life. So, here is the question. Do we believe Jesus? We say “yes”
when we pursue our joy in the happiness of our spouse. Here is a simple, but
profound, truth: if a husband and wife
truly understand, and apply the ethic of the cross to their marriage, they
can’t help but become increasingly happy. As someone once said, two funerals
precede every happy and successful marriage.
The ethic of the cross stands at the center of
all truly fulfilling Christian marriages. The cross does three things. It
teaches husband and wife how to love
each other—first as spouses, and then as brothers and sisters. Second, it motivates that love. Third, because it lavishes
us with buckets of grace when we fail, it encourages us to keep walking down the
steady path of self-denial.
This blog is an except from Bill's upcoming book, Marriage In Paradise, How to have a Genesis two Marriage in a Genesis three world.
